First day of school

Published September 10, 2013 by hrhdana

I sit

in your midst

silent

observant.

I am not bothered by the deluge of curses you spew.

I’m watching, listening, open to you.

First day of school.

No talk of

teachers,

classes,

passing,

or studying,

instead…

“I fucked that bitch in homie’s bathroom.

Everyone was there. I ain’t care.

She a hoe now.

Everyone knows.”

I turn away

ashamed

I try to guess your age.

15 maybe…

A group of girls this time…

I listen,

“I know I’ma fuck that bitch up!

Ain’t nothing change but the school year.

Suspend me!

I don’t fucking care!!”

First day of school

You are both

already failing.

I sit

in your midst

silent,

observant

and I wish.

I wish that my love was strong enough to

reach you,

break though,

gift you several clues.

I love you…

little boy lost

little girl angry.

I love you

in all of your possibility.

Your decisions to wallow in shit

wound me.

I know that children learn what they live

that knowledge makes me hurt even more for you.

Little boy…

testosterone  infused

confused

misguided by what you hear in music and on the news.

You equate manhood with

bedroom exploits

and violence.

I wish I could introduce you to real men.

I wish you could sit

in their midst

feast on knowledge

and their gentleness.

It would illustrate for you

how one dimensional

how shallow

how flat and full of lack

your definition of manhood is.

Little girl …

Angry,

lashing out

hurt,

misguided by multiple outlets undervaluing your worth.

You matter.

I wish I could teach you how much power you hold.

I wish I could show you so that you would know

how much more strength it takes

to walk away

the value in knowing you will live another day.

You matter.

I wish someone taught you that.

I wish you could hear me

believe me

feel me

because it’s true.

You

matter

and

I love you.

4 comments on “First day of school

  • “how flat and full of lack
    your definition of manhood is.”

    that is for some reason poetically important to me.
    i hate reading this piece because i can relate too much…it’s painful sometimes seeing the waly others exist…just because it’s how they want to be that day.
    its painful.

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