If I am ever taken in to police custody…

Published July 22, 2015 by hrhdana

If I am ever taken in to police custody know that…

I will not kill myself.

I will not resist.

I will not reach for a weapon.

I will not fight.

I will comply.

I will fight in court

with all of the resources at my disposal.

I will have only one thought

during the course of the entire interaction

“Make it home to Nia”

And yes,

I WILL be

that docile Negro

that they want me to be.

I will yas suh and yas maam them to death.

My child is my life.

She is the future.

She is everything.

And I will choke on the shame of being a good slave

just so I can make it home to her.

Never let THEM write my narrative.

I am a MOTHER.

Nothing else matters.

Pride can take a flying leap.

I want to survive.

I will make myself small

and quiet.

I will choke on my rage.

I will comply.

And even having made this declaration

publicly

I know these actions can’t save me.

They can hashtag me

with impunity

some desk duty

paid vacation

for my blood on their hands.

There are no safe quarters for me

OR

my progeny.

If I am ever taken in to police custody

RAGE for me.

Don’t believe

the, “official story.”

My only thought

I promise you

was making it home

to my baby.

1

4 comments on “If I am ever taken in to police custody…

  • Wonderfully written:
    And I will choke on the shame of being a good slave

    just so I can make it home to her.

    That is painful to read. I almost stopped there because just the thought is a complete contradiction of my soul but I KNOW that is a reality I hope I NEVER have to face. Oh my God it would kill my spirit but we know so many of us have had to and WILL do to make it home to our families.
    Excellent. Heartbreaking. Moving poem.

    • Thank you so much. I sobbed while I wrote this. I am a fighter. I know my rights. I am mouthy just like Sandra Bland. I will cuss a mofo out so well that he compliments my word usage. But these times? These times have changed me. SHE has changed me. I will do anything I can to make it home to her. Anything.

      Thank you for reading. Thank you for your comment.

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