On the eve of my father’s funeral…

I watch her sleep

count her breaths

allow her breathing to regulate mine.

She’s better

I say it out loud

“She’s better Daddy”

tears falling

“I’m so sorry.”

I wish I could have

done more

been more

known

more.

My humanity is disappointing.

 

On the eve of my Daddy’s funeral

I do not sleep.

I keep watch over his Queen.

Every time I close my eyes

my mind goes wild.

My Daddy passed weeks ago

I’m not familiar with this funeral home.

What is he going to look like?

No.

I do not sleep.

She’s better. Right?

 

On the eve of my Daddy’s funeral

I see how he

is still taking care of we.

The masks and gloves we will wear courtesy of him.

He was always prepared.

How do I say goodbye?

Middle of the night

body, mind and spirit exhausted

eyes wide open.

She’s breathing. She’s better.

 

On the eve of my Daddy’s funeral

he and I sat up together.

I felt the weight of his care

almost too much to bear.

Heavy is the head that wears the crown

and his was.

Mr. Sunshine such a gloomy gus

he identified every single evil that could harm us

and prepared.

Never caught unaware.

I have his crown on…

I’m watching.

I got them Daddy.

 

On the eve of my Daddy’s funeral

I do not sleep

my watch has begun.