All posts tagged Writing

Time to write

Published March 29, 2016 by hrhdana

I’ve been dying to find time to write. This new job is a huge adjustment. I have so much to learn and if you know me you know that I want to know it all yesterday. I don’t have time to do anything personal at work because I am trying to learn all of the things and because we have a real deal IT department here and I’m scared of their tracking software. LOL I have yet to manage being able to carve out time to write at home and parent. I sit at the computer at home and she has a million things she has to tell me and about 3 million questions about what I am doing.

Today, my supervisors are in meetings, the office is quiet and I finally have time to write. I sit down excited and open my word doc.


Isn’t it funny how that happens? And by funny I mean infuriating. Hmph

So I guess I’ll tell you all about the new gig. I’m working for an established nonprofit organization. It started out as an orphanage in the 1800s and has grown in to a huge company that provides services to kids, families and people with developmental disabilities. I am proud to work here. Amazing work is being done here daily. The emphasis is always on the people we are serving. Training is continuous and thorough. Ethics run through every single policy. This work matters and although I’m not working directly with the people we serve I am so proud to be a part of the process.

The department that I work in is all about quality improvement. We help all of our programs to stay in compliance with local, state and federal regulations. We conduct all internal and external investigations. We write manuals. We make recommendations for places where programs can improve. Yup, everyone hates us. LOL It’s like working in internal affairs. All of my coworkers have been super welcoming and it’s always so funny to watch their reactions when I tell them what department I work in.

I walk around the campus at least twice a day. I make small talk with the kids who live on campus and those who attend school here. I’m grateful to be here. I’m excited about this new adventure and I wake up excited to come to work each day. But it’s early yet. Giggles Check back with me in a few months. J

Long time no write

Published March 13, 2015 by hrhdana

I always come here when I’m struggling.

Today I’m reflecting on self sabotage.

I’m GREAT at it.

Seriously, you have never met someone better at blocking their blessings than I am. If someone handed me a winning lottery ticket I would put it through a shredder. I am THAT serious about not being successful. I have talked this out with countless friends, family members, therapists, strangers on public transit, my journal, poetry etc etc.

I still can’t stop doing it.

For the past 9 months opportunity has literally followed me down the street, rang my phone off of the hook, blown up my email and straight harassed me. “No thanks,” I reply. Then I spend my nights dreaming about said opportunities.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I seriously don’t.

“Just do it!” I know. I know.

But I don’t.

I am worthy. I am talented. I am good.

And yet..

I wallow in mediocrity.

I wish I had a happy ending for this post. LOL Some story of how I overcame this thing.

I don’t.

That story is still being written…


I hope.


Published December 17, 2013 by hrhdana

She sat in silence. Her thoughts cacophony enough. He watched her from across the room. She was so beautiful, so peaceful. He wanted to sit next to her, hold her  hand. He wanted to reach out and touch her soft, curls. He closed his eyes and imagined the scent and feel of those soft, black curls. He pretended to watch the basketball game but if you asked him the score he couldn’t even tell you who was playing. He could watch her all day. Beautiful wasn’t a big enough word for her. It didn’t encompass her strength. It didn’t include her sense of humor. She was physically perfect.

He watched as she twirled a piece of hair around her finger and pretended to read. He knew she wasn’t reading. She hadn’t turned a page in over 10 minutes. He wondered what was bothering her. He wondered, for the millionth time, if she would like the ring he planned to give to her at dinner tonight. His fingers swept against the warm band in his pocket. Later, he would put it back in it’s box before presenting it to her and asking her to spend the rest of her life with him. A purple, princess cut diamond just seemed perfect for her. He wondered if he should have gone with a more traditional diamond. He wondered if she would recognize the rarity and beauty of the diamond that he chose.

Her silence worried him. Something was wrong.  He had no doubt that whatever it was they would get through it together, he just hoped it would keep until after their dinner. He hoped that tonight would be perfect and that worry could wait until the morning.

She sat in silence. She was unaware of his scrutiny. Her thoughts were shouting, crying, screaming inside. She did the math again. There was no way. There was absolutely no way that this baby was his.

I have no idea where this came from. LOL I’m dying to know what happens next. LMAO

I remember…

Published August 5, 2013 by hrhdana


Freestyle Memory

The challenge is to set a timer and write for 10 minutes on memory. No editing, no thinking…just writing. Here’s mine…

College girl


you were a friend to me

in the popular fraternity


you noticed me.

I remember

You picked me up after a party

so nice to me

always so funny and sweet.

I had such a good time

I didn’t want to go home

didn’t want to go back to my dorm.

I wanted to keep the party going.


we went back to your room.

I remember.

I was geeked

friends high-fiving me

you were cute and so sweet.

I remember.

laughter on the way over

story after story

laughing until my stomach hurt.

And then we were there.

You wanted me to drink something

but I wasn’t a drinker.

No idea

why my,

“no thank yous”

put you in such a bad mood.

I remember.

We smoked a little

from a bong

my first time

I felt wrong.

I just wanted to lay down.

You told me I was welcome

in your home

You said that I was safe

with you around.

You told me this was okay

you would stay out my way

drive me home later that day.

I stayed.

No choice.

I didn’t feel right.

I remember…

lying across your bed

my swirling head

felt filled with lead

and then


someone getting on the bed

arms pinned above my head

legs spread

against my will.

I remember

every single thing you took from me.

You hurt me.

And while you were brutalizing me

you whispered

how sweet

I was

told me how deep

you were.

As if I didn’t know

As if I couldn’t feel every inch

of your intrustion

in to MY soul.

I was hot



I remember.


Crying myself to sleep

locked in your bathroom

on the floor

the cold tile reminding me

I was alive.

I survived…

and although I didn’t believe it at the time

I would be alright.

I remember

16 years later

I remember it all.